The boy who went missing
Several years ago two boys (Jack and James) entered an abandoned factory to get their football. There were rumours about this factory being haunted. Suddenly, when the boys went in, out of the corner of one eye they saw a shadow. Jack said shaking with fear "Look! Can you see that moving?" Now the boys who are moving forward, could hear a noise and it was the door locking. The dark factory was gloomy ,moreover the boys didn't realise they were stood right in the middle of it. Suddenly the boys disappeared into the darkness. They weren't seen again...
I like your blog it is scary and fun at the same time you very specific
You have a great blog I like the part were they weren't seen again
Jaime,Oliver and Alfe
Hi I really like your dialogue. I do not think you have anything wrong but what happen to the boys after.
I like your post.
Where did the boys go?
Next time describe the place they are in.
Hi I wish you had more detail like way is there foot ball in the factory.
I loved this piece of writing and how desciriptive it is.
At the start of it it says Several years ago that is a very good opener.
I don't really like the part when they didn't realise where they were .
I can't wait untill the sleepover/activity day it shall be loads of fun.
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i like how that there gooing into a factory to get a ball and strang things start happining i woud be scered if that was me i would probably run out without the ball but for the title the boy who went missing could be ubderlined
great work i love your work
Dear Jamie Oliver and Alfie, great blog it made me want to know what's going to happen next. What does moreover mean ? From Frank
Ebony was lying on her bed with her best friend -called Hannah- playing on their I-pads. Hannah sat up and looked out of the sparkling window. "Look up! an you see who's in your garden? exclaimed Hannah; her ind racing about who it could be. Ebony looked out of the out of the window and cried, "It can't be!" Suddenly, they heard a knock at the door. The girls raced downstairs. Excitedly, they threw the door open. "Dad," screamed Ebony. Ebony's dad was a brave soldier who fought in Afghanistan. They both started to cry uncontrollably- they were back together at last!
Hi Molly and angel, this is Beth. I really liked your 100wc, I thought it was amazing! My favourite part was when Ebony's dad came home because it is really happy. Next time you could say who was crying as it sounds like Hannah is crying too, overall it was excellent!
Dear Molly P and Angel,
I love your post!!! I really love the part that he comes home. But, you might want to add some capitals and fix some spelling. Brilliant job.
Dear Molly P and Angel great story but there are some spelling mistakes in there. Your story was very happy, why was Hannah also happy if it wasn't her dad.
I like your piece of writing!
You use adjectives like sparkily.
You have used other words that mean said like screamed and exclaimed.
You could use a semi colon (;) to make it even better
Can't wait till the sleepover!
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Great 100 word chalenge
Dear Molly P and Angel like your story it haves some spelling mistakes. I think you need to start with an exciting beginning.
Today I started a new cloud watching club. I had lots of fun! Both me and my best friend, Niamh, joined. First of all we were introduced to the rest of the group, then we started looking for clouds of different shapes and sizes. All of a sudden Kelly, the leader of the group, said "Look up! Can you see that distinctive cloud?" I looked up and saw a magnificent cloud! I thought it looked like the queen, but other girls thought differently. Later on we went home, had tea, got into bed and now I am writing this.
Dear Beth and Niamh,
I absolutely love your post! I really like the part about how you put in the form of a diary. I also really like the part about the cloud-watching club. The only thing you might want to do is add a comma, and add some key words, like "then". Brilliant job.
I love this i think that you took your time so it worked off you could looking up insted of i looked up that is the only thing are you going to the sleep oveR? I CANT WAIT
One dark and breezy night I was walking home from the supermarket when suddenly there was a blackout around me. I was with my bestfriend James. I pointed and screamed,"LOOK UP! CAN YOU SEE those spooky luminous eyes glowing." My fingers stayed strong as we sprinted across the road. We eventually got back from the shops, and rememberd our mams went to Scottland for the weekend. We tried our grandma but she was out... We had no choice but to go to Katie's for the night. Our parents never came back from Scottland that Monday.
WHAT COULD WE DO NOW...
I really like your blog it was a cliff hanger
You should make a second of finding the parents.
You stopped capitalizing in mid sentence
Amber and Cameron why did you capitalize a whole sentence. Instead of mams you need to put moms. I really like how you ended it.
Good use of vocabulary. Next time use more punctuation in your text to make it more better. Apart from that brilliant work.
Dear Amber And Camron, your blog was great and it had a cliff hanger. What does my fingers staid strong mean?
Amber and Cameron I love the cliff hanger at the end it made me have gose bumps. It is very scary! I love the puncuation but you started to many sentenses with we but as well as that it was brilliant! well done.
There was a crazy scientist working in his huge lab. He was working years on end on this incredible robot. Finally the scientist finished the sensational design. Later he charged his robot , moreover turned it on. The machine stood up and smashed straight trough the wall! He shot up into the sky and travelled to the city. A minute boy shouted " look up! Can you see the robot ? " THe robot was a phenomenal silver colour. There was tons of police in the street, the robot was staring at them suspiciously. One of the policemen shot it ...
What an amazing story you have created with all the phenomenal vocabulary it is such amazing but next time try reading through it to check if you have got the right spelling
I like your post.
What was the scientists name?
Put more detail.
Dear Callum, Lewis, and Liam
I really like your post. I really love the part about the crazy scientist. But, you guys might want to add a couple capitals. And I really love your amazing detail and vocabulary. Keep up the brilliant job.
Dear Callum Lewis and Liam, great story it was exciting. I think u misspelled color; what is a minute boy?
Lily had a sleepover and invited (her best friend) Jade, Georgia, Katie, Rebecca and Tia. She also invited her sister Chloe. They decided to go outside and play apple bobbing, whilst listening to music. The boys next door were playing football, when the ball went high up in the air, they couldn't see it. The girls didn't see the ball, they didn't even know that it was in the air. "Look up! Can't you see the ball?" The boys yelled. Jade's turn came and she dunked her head, the ball came down and hit the back of jades head. Her knees slipped; and her head began to blend.
Dear Alicia and Hannah,
Oh my gosh, I LOVE your post! It is soooo interesting. There is nother you could do better. It was SO good! I have one question, is that a true story?
Dear Alicia and Hannah that is a crazy story. Did u mean to say bleed not blend? From Frank
One night a group of friends named Guy, Joseph, Ethan and Dean sneaked off to a haunted mansion. Sinister voices were coming from upstairs. "What was that?" asked Joseph. Dean stood up bravely and went into the kitchen to get something. Trails of red roses led to the main hall. "Joseph, Ethan, Guy!" shouted Dean.
"Look up. Can you see it?" asked Guy while he was pointing to the 5th level of the house.
"Watch out, don't come here, you better run!" shouted the apparition as it was moving closer. They moved, she followed.
Olivia and Leah I really like your 100WC I think you have tried hard this week so keep up
Wow!What a scare you gave me ! I really enjoyed that we'll done I don't think you need to add eny thing else .
I really enjoyed reading your 100WC I hope you rite a new one
But even better then the first one you root
I really liked how you have used the word sinister in your text.Next time you could try to use a range of connectives.
I love your 100 wc its very clear and very detailed. I love the part when the trails of red roses led to the main hall I could just imagine that!
p.s I can't wait for tomorrow. Are you going to the sleepover?
Hi Olivia and Leah,
I loved the excitment you put in to this piece of writing and I think the commas are in the right place (I'm not good at commas) I cant wait till the sleepover I hope we can be friends when I come Alyssa is going to introduce me.
I really like your story because you used speech and lots of puncuation like ! , and .
You could of used more openers like although, in addition, also, if and however.
well done on your story!
Look up. Can you see that cloud shaped like a bird and the sky as blue as oceans?
See the clouds are like fluffy blankets of snow.
Can you see the butterfly flying so high in the sky?
Look at the sun shining brighter than a thousand fire flies?
Look up. Can you see the biggest bird you've ever seen saying
"Goodbye day. Hello night"
Look for the silver shimmering stars in the night.
See the birds nest in that tree?
If you looked up you could see the wicked wind
Look around and you might see the beautiful sun set.
It was good and I like the part wen you put " good by day hello night"
Brooklyn, Abbie and Liam I like you 100 wc.
Next time you try not put so many can you see.
I also liked it were you changed it in the middle and it turns into night.
Hi Abbie, Brooklyn and Liam, this is Beth. I really liked your 100wc, I thought is was great. I think it is amazing how you describe the setting! It is Phenomenal!
Dear Abbie, Brooklyn, and Liam
I really like your post. I really like the part about the fluffy blankets of snow. Bu8t, you might want to work on not being so monotone. And, why did you guys mention birds so much? Do you like them, or????
Look up! Can you see?
The birds flying in the sky
The clouds forming shapes around us,
Planes cruising through the air
Look up! Can you see
The mystical rainbow crossing through the sky
The glowing moon,
And twinkling stars
Look up! Can you see?
The horizon with the glowing sun behind
Out into the atmosphere
A hot air balloon in the distance,
The sunset or the sunrise or the
Baby blue sky
All these wonderful things
I only have to look up to see
All of which are God's creations
Right here for me to see,
But what can you see?
I really like this 100 word challenge because you have used phenomenal describing words and how you said "right here for me to see, but what can you see
Hi, this is an amazing 100 word challenge Sophie and Keegan. I like how you have describe every thing in the air. The only thing I don't like is the last two lines because I doesn't sound quite right with the same last letter. Other than that it is an amazing 100 word challenge.
I really liked your 100wc it was really good. My favourite kind of poems are the ones were they don't rhyme! I love the rhetorical question at the end!
I really like the adjectives next time I am really looking forward to your next one
Dear Sophie & Keegan
I absolutely, positively love your post. It is brilliant and phenomenal. I love how much detail there is. There is no things you need fix. And I really like how you end with a question that makes you think. Brilliant job.
"Look." "Can you see it?" shouted Bob. A huge, brown, ball of fire sped out of the sky towards the park.
"What on earth is it?" asked Jimmy. All of a sudden, a gust of smoke flew across the road. Bob and jimmy ran speedily towards the park. When they arrived, all that was left was a pile of rubble and some burning trees. As they stumbled up the rubble Bob caught sight of a huge sliver boulder. Jimmy however, was studying the blue goo on the floor. Suddenly, there was a scream. Did the scream belong to a child and what had happened to it?
I really liked how you used suspense next time try to use ellipses.
Well done Jonathon and David I really like your 100 wc it is amazing I really liked the way you ended it on a question. Next time you should include more connectives other than however, other than that well done!!
I really enjoyed that story mainly because of all the adjectives and I like the cliffhanger at the end and you don't have to change anything
Hi I like your bloy and way is there blue slime.
Dear jonathon and david,
I like your post.
I wonder why the person was screaming?
How would fire make blue slime?
Harry and Robert were playing football when Harry said, "Look up, Can you see that bird?"
"Yeah! What about it?"
"It's a Rainbow crow!"
Robert ran to his house and fetched a camera. When he made it back to Harry, he was astonished! Harry was holding the bird in his hands! He took photos of the bird and sent them to The Daily Mirror. The next day they received a letter. In the envelope, there was a £2million cheque and a letter which said, "Congratulations! You have found the rarest bird on the planet! Yours truly, The Daily Mirror."
I really liked your 100 word challenge.
I think it is perfect.
Hi, I really like the adjectives and the ending ,but next time can you include more connectives.
I really enjoyed your 100 word challenge. I really liked the part were Robert runs to get his camera and all of a sudden the bird is in Harry's hand. You have also used some good punctuation.
I really liked how you used speech marks. Next time you could use more connectives.
Well Done Harry and Robert, I really like you 100wc because I think you have been really creative. Next time try to use more adjectives. Other than that it is a great 100wc.
Dear Harry and Robert,
I really enjoyed reading your post! I think it is very interesting! There is nothing you could do better! I think next time you should add a picture!
i love your blog my wish to you is to see more next time it was fantastic to her i love your speech mark and your capital leters.
Hi, that is amazing and I love it so much, I wish that I could do 100WC like you,
I have a star for you, it is that you have put a question in it.
Dear Harry and Robert,
I like your post.
How did they find the rainbow crow?
The grammer is good.
Dear Harry and Robert,
I really love your post! I really love the part that Harry was holding the bird. All you need to do is add quotations around "The Daily Mirror".
3 questions. #1, What are cheques? #2, What is "The Daily Mirror"? #3, Is this a true story? Brilliant job.
Look up can you see ! It's a beautiful sunset peering over the sea? You can see the waves clashing against the caves, in the delightful evenings of summer days . It glows and shows it's orangey colours as it passes from distant lands.It is phenomenal . The sunset greets it's people with joy and colour. It's my dream to see it over a distant ocean in person . Oh how lovely will it be . Oh the sunset how beautiful!
Paige and Samantha I really like your 100WC. I really like it how you have included lots of fantastic words like phenomenal, clashing you have tried really well this week so keep it up.
Look up! Can you see? The yellow ball heading toward us. It's mammoth size bigger than earth. What could it be? It's a furious fire ball, not like any other. It's spreading in to pieces like little particles."shouted Jim.All of a sudden it was rushing towards us.We were petrified. We had no idea what to do. Then a wailing siren was heard. Everybody had to run to their cellars to take shelter. It was vital nobody went out there. Suddenly the ground started to shake and then it suddenly stopped. We were safe. Nothing had happened. I woke up. It was a dream
I really like all of the action. But next time can you add adjaticts
I really like your 100 word challenge.
Next time you could use some more commas.
Dear Kieron and Hasan,
I like your post.
I like the end of your story alot
Debbie and James were at the seaside and decided to make a huge sand castle.
"Look up, can you see that?" shouted Debbie.
"Yeah! What is it?" explained James.
"I don't no". said Debbie, with a confused face.
All of the sudden, there was a colourful unicorn, in fact it was a bright and colourful unicorn. They decided to get on it and it led them to a deserted island. It told them a story about two young girls who traveled to this island and didn't return. Debbie and James wanted to go home but the unicorn flew off and they were never seen again.
I really liked how you have used a range of adjectives.Next time you could try to use some different openers so that your writing is even better.
Hiya I really liked this 100 word challenge it was really good. I really like how you used a lot of vocabulary. I liked reading this it was amazing.
I really liked your story. Next time I think that, instead of using words such as huge you could use giant or enormous.
Look up! Can you see? A shooting star swooshing from the dark blue sky. " let's have a look!" shouted Oliver. It's a meteor with dots of red. The meteor smashed open and what was inside? "Alien !" shouted jill.The alien stumbled up and squeaked ,"Who are you?" We stared a while at the slimy green figure shaped like a tiny man with a ballon shaped head.We answered"We are humans Oliver and Jill" answered Oliver.The alien blinked and moved to his space ship.The tiny alien stepped slowly in his space ship and quickly zoomed away.
Wow,I really like how you have started the first part of your amazing story!also I like how you have described the little alien for example:ballon shaped head what a fantastic way how to describe it well done!next time try to think of a little more adventurous vocabulary such as: hazardous.
I loved reading your 100 word challenge! You used lots of ajectives and adverbs and loads more! When I was reading youre story and I thought it was about a Sci-Fi story or something like that!
Maybe you could change 'stepped' into something like 'stomped'? Just an idea but except from that I loved reading your 100 WC!
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Hi Alisa and Ryan I really like your 100wc because it uses lots of describing words and also has a variety of punctuation!
I think you could have used more of a variety of openers. But apart from that a fantastic 100wc!
Cant wait for the sleepover on Thursday night and the Activity day!!!!
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I like your piece of writing Alisa and Ryan! I like to way you have used swooshing and stumbled. As well as that, you have used awesome punctuation such as Inverted commas capital letters 1 of 4 99 and !.
However you could use some better openers such as Furthermore, In addition, However, Ed Ing Ly sentences.
Apart from that it is brilliant and could you please blog on my 100 WC at 6tanfield It was really good.
I like how you have a range of punction. I like how you use a cliff hanger. At the start you need inverted commas (speech marks).
I like the WOW words you have used like smashed, slimy, swooshing. I like your exclamation mark
i like all of your work and video and i realy like all of your pants of when nick sharat came to meet you looking forward to meeting you on friday
We are Year 6 at Brandon Primary School in County Durham. We are using this blog to extend our creative writing skills, and to demonstrate to a wider audience how fabulous we are!