This week, the prompt is based around the Musomic comic. Children had to write the next chapter of the story. When commenting on a piece of writing, can you either quote the number or name of the person who it belongs to. The writing is in the following order: 1. Ryan T
Hi Gina! This is Lucy. I read your 100 word challange and it was really good . I loved how you started this and how you finished. Also i liked how you have used confuesed! I like your openers and how you have set it out. P.s. I carnt wate to see you again!
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Gina
11/28/2013 07:54:53 pm
Thanks Lucy for commenting.I am also missing you and can't wait to see you again.
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Cailen
11/28/2013 07:06:25 pm
Wow what a great piece of writting!
However I personally think that you could ask a question and more puntuation. As well as that, I think you should use some good openers such as, Ed-ing-ly sentences, Although,However,Despite.
Apart from that it was amazing!
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Kristen (Tanfield Lea)
11/28/2013 07:06:35 pm
Well done Beth, I loved your 100wc. It really stood out. I loved the end when you said It cant be... It makes people think that they want to know what happens next!
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curtis
11/28/2013 07:07:10 pm
Hello Gina how are you doing it's Curtis we all miss you. Your work is very good but you could of used some good openers such as futhermore, moreover, anotherthing. Apart from this your writing was exelent so keep the good work up say hello to evry one goodbye.
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Gina
11/28/2013 07:56:48 pm
Thanks Curtis for the comments you gave me. In my next piece of writting i will use some more openers. Im missing you.
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Alyssa
11/28/2013 07:07:37 pm
Hi Alicia! Its Alyssa here. I read your 100 word challenge and thought it was great. Your use of puncuation was outstanding! I think maybe a question in there would've made your writing even better. Over all I think that your 100 word challenge was amazing!
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Alicia,6DC.
11/28/2013 07:54:08 pm
Thank you Alyssa. I will try todo a question on my next piece of writing.
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reece(fred)brandon primary
11/28/2013 07:55:38 pm
hi wish all you guys from tansfield where here! hi adam carnt wait to you sleep at our school see you when you sleep at our school
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Emma
11/28/2013 07:07:54 pm
Hello Emilia I am Emma I think your work was spooky I liked the bit when the man fell through the hole you could inprove by useing us instead of useing we all the time.
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Mattthew from Tanfield y6
11/28/2013 07:08:13 pm
Hi Alica great story.
Your story was really good. I liked the spookynees of your story. Also, I really liked how many times I was on the edge of my seat.
On the other hand, you could try and have a bigger range of openers.
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Rose
11/28/2013 07:08:21 pm
Dear Alicia,
This intresting and scary story is overflowed with terrific openers, and billiant connectives it is also full of punctuation in the right places!
However, this tip will improve your writing by far. Why dont you try more ambitious wow words for example, tropical, blood curdling and domain.
Alicia you have a lovely piece of writing
I love your ly starter
I also like your use of colon, it was really efective
One thing you could do improve on is have more exciting openers where you have put Jim or John at the start of a sentance.
Apart from that an amazing 100 word challange!
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Callum A
11/28/2013 07:09:08 pm
This is amazing Ryan personly I loved the ending and your discriptive writing
It would be beter if you could inprove your writing.
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Abbie from tanfield
11/28/2013 07:09:22 pm
Hi Ryan great story I really enjoyed is. The vocabulary is very good and I loved part when they drove into an alley and stopped the car. The only thing I would add would be an Although or However or even a Despite to make your writing even more fantastic. I think you should upload your work onto a special selected website for brilliant writers. see you soon.
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Drew from Tanfield
11/28/2013 07:09:30 pm
Hi Ryan, it's Drew from Tanfied Primary. I have read your 100 wc and it was really good.Your handwriting is amazing and I woulden't change it. Your puncuation was amazing and I wouldn't have changed any of it. You also could have also used some really good openers such as, In addition, Suddenly and Although.
Hi this is Lara from Tanfield school .Hollys work is impressive, I like the part when you use
' to his suprise ' !
It would be better if your capital letters in the right places like half way through the work you put a capital A for askes when you dont need to.
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Adam (tanfield)
11/28/2013 07:10:30 pm
Hi Ryan, its Adam from Tanfield primary. I have read your 100 word challenge and its really good. you used a range of punctuation and lots of good adjectives. your handwriting is really good. keep uo the good work!
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Leah B
11/28/2013 07:10:36 pm
Hi Holly I really like your 100 wc, I thought it was very intresting. I really liked the part were it said the monster appereared in a split second i thought it was very dramatic! I also liked the way you described the character.
I think maybe dont use as many exclamation marks.
However, fantatic 100 wc
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aidan
11/28/2013 07:10:37 pm
great 100wc from all of you guys.
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John R
11/28/2013 07:12:02 pm
Harry I loved your 100 word challenge.I love the start and the bit when it saids Nick was dragged underground. It was so exciting.
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Ryan s 6T
11/28/2013 07:12:09 pm
brillint work Alicia! A good range of punchtion. I like how you started with Suddenly however you need a comma after it.
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Jodie (tanfeild primary)
11/28/2013 07:12:38 pm
brill work beth you realy no how to do a brill peice of work no bad things in story well done.
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Leah P 6T
11/28/2013 07:13:05 pm
Some brilliant work here Alicia! Your use of adjectives are amazing. Your ending is so nail biting and frightning! However despite the fact that your story so fantastic, I think you could have used some better openers such as: Even though, Despite, Suddenly, Less than a secound later... etc
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Alicia,6DC.
11/28/2013 07:56:37 pm
Thank you i will take your advice and try it next time.
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reece
11/28/2013 07:39:36 pm
i really like ryant next time use a tiny bit more of wow words
i also really like ryan 2 next time use some more descrbing words please.
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callum
11/28/2013 07:39:59 pm
5. Jamie I realy like your adjectives and wow words but could you use some dialouge.
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gina(6dc)
11/28/2013 07:41:51 pm
Holly, yours is really good. I like the adjectives you have used and similes.Next time try and use some brackets.
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Amber(6DC)
11/28/2013 07:41:58 pm
I am commenting on gina's, yours is really good. Next try and use some more similes.
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cameron
11/28/2013 07:45:24 pm
3.amelia i think your sory is really good but you need to use a bit more puncuation. i like the earspliting ajective. your story is quite creepy.
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Beth (6DC)
11/28/2013 07:45:52 pm
No.6
Molly P
I really liked how the man had cursed the boy. You have used suspence wich made me want to read on. Next time you could use some similies or metaphors. But overall outstanding!
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Niamh and Hannah ( 6DC)
11/28/2013 07:46:42 pm
Emilia we really liked were you used ear-splitting
Next time mabe you could use because in your 100 WC
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Callum
11/28/2013 07:47:08 pm
1 Ryan T good work Ilike the suspense and the cliffhanger it wants you to find out more but can you use more connectives
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Ryan 6dc
11/28/2013 07:47:55 pm
Number 11 I like the way you use speech and I like how the woman goes missing.Number 3 I like how they fall down a hole.
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Jamie
11/28/2013 07:50:26 pm
1 Ryan T. I liked how you have created suspense in your story and your openers are great. Next time you could use some more punctuation such as capital letters and commas but still a great story.
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Ryan Tu and Lewis (DC)
11/28/2013 07:50:47 pm
No.1 Ryan T: I really liked it beacuse it creates suspence. Next time could you use some more adjectives.
No.2 Ryan: I really liked the frist the part becuse it is really scary. Next time can you put more sentences openers.
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Alex 6dc
11/28/2013 07:51:24 pm
I realy like the start of your story becouse it is intresting
and i like the part when you drive in to the town then stop the car there are so many adjectives good luck.
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Alex
11/28/2013 07:57:02 pm
this is foy ryan tegs
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Beth (6DC)
11/28/2013 07:53:14 pm
No.3
Emilia
Hi Milly, story is amazing, I really liked the part when he fell down a hole. I really wanted to find to find out what the man wanted to tell them, maybe you should write a sequel! Next you could use a few more wow words and adjectives. But overall awsome!
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Emilia (6dc)
11/28/2013 07:54:01 pm
NO.6 Molly
Well done Molly its great next time you could maybe use different connectives and not just suddenly other than that it is outstanding work.NO.12 Alicia I really like your story it is GREAT there is nothing i would change
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oliver 6dc
11/28/2013 07:55:04 pm
Jamie I Really liked yore interesting adjectives you used very well done. Next time could you try and use more punctuation then it would be truly amazing.
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Emilia
11/28/2013 07:56:48 pm
THANK YOU Emma!!
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Niamh and Hannah
11/28/2013 07:58:17 pm
Alicia we really liked the bit were you say Jim was dragged away... because it makes you think what is going to happen next.
over all it all was amazing
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harvey
11/29/2013 05:56:52 am
Hi miss chapman, next time i will try even harder, in my next 100 word challenge so it can be put up on the blog.MABYE?!
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Abbie
12/4/2013 04:02:22 am
I love yours Olivia, like i always do!! Brilliant
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Sophie
12/4/2013 04:17:38 am
Granny teggers ...............
Speechless absolutely amazing your ending was fab!!!!!!!!!
It was you that was number 1 correct me if I'm wrong. All were amazing tho 😃
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LIAM
12/9/2013 09:57:10 pm
I like yours beth because youre vocabulare is good
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Ryan
12/12/2013 07:33:40 pm
Ryan I like the way you use suspense.
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We are Year 6 at Brandon Primary School in County Durham. We are using this blog to extend our creative writing skills, and to demonstrate to a wider audience how fabulous we are!