It was Friday night when Katie was playing scrabble with her Granny, while watching a documentry about international jewel thiefs. "I'm hungry," moaned Katie. "There's a biscuit tin in the kitchen," replied Granny. Katie skipped happily into the kitchen. She spotted the biscuit tin on the top shelf. Quickly, she pulled a chair over to reach the tin. Her mind was racing about what biscuit she would find but when she lifted the lid she got a big shock. There were diamonds, rubies and emeralds - every jewel you could think of. Just then there was a news flash. A granny had been seen stealing jewels!
I really like this, you have included humorous details to engage your reader! I wonder what Katie will do next?
I really like your 100 word challenge it is great.
I really like how for your 100 word challenge you have based it on Gansta Granny.You have used some good vocabulary.well done.
Great 100WC I really liked all your powerful openers and your puncuation was really good!
Maybe you could change granny to a diffrent word because you have used it a couple of times
I really like yout 100 word challenge. You have used very exciting words and i really like that you have used adverbs to start sentences. Also, i like how you have used commas in a list. Great exclamation marks too!
Yesturday the two 18 year old girls on a holiday to Lanzerote. They set off on a aeroplane at 4:30pm last night. It took 2hours 40mins. They arrived that day and starerd to unpack. Later that day they went the beach, there was a lovely breeze. They started to sunbathe. When they came back to the hotel, Emma was so sandy she decided to go in the bath. Meanwhile Sarah was getting ready to go out. Emma got out of the bath and something mysteriously her eye. She shouted of Sarah to come into the bathroom. But when she lifted the lid there was 1 million pounds...
The not so great magician
Yesterday,me and my family went to see a magician.Unlike other magicians, this magician was a girl. For her first act, she peformed a card trick. I was amazed! After a few more astonishing tricks, she came to her final act. She was doing a disappearing act! Me and my brother were really excited. It was time for the act. Her assistant stepped into the box and the lid was closed. She said the magic words, but when she lifted the lid her assistant was still there! I was very disappointed!
By Beth and Niamh
I like how you have described the passing of time 'yesterday' 'after a few more tricks'. I think this would sound even better if it was a cliff hanger, how else do you think you could end your short story?
Well done I really liked the way you used complex and simple sentences Next time you should end it on a cliff hanger but other than that well done!!
I like how you have used an exclamation mark.Next time you could use some more adjectives to make your writing even better.
Sienna and her brother Dodger were going to their Dad's house. They heard about Tegan Lomax's missing baby girl Rose. In Sienna's past she had a baby girl called Sophie. Her father was furious. He lied to her by saying that Sophie was dead and ever since she has been having mental issues about stealing babies or children trying to find Sophie. People in the village have been acusing Siennaa of stealing Rose. But she never! She heard a cry in the bedroom a basket was seen but when she lifted the lid there was baby Rose. Who stole Rose?
One mysterious day there was a horrific storm. A girl called Amy was staying at her grandmas. Amy's grandma asked her if she could tidy her attic, she didnt want to but her grandma bribed her with sweets. She draged her feet up the steep steps and entered the attic. Suddenly she found herself starring at all the mystical objects in grandma's attic. As she was rumaging through the boxes she discovered a intreging object. Her desire to open it was overwellming but she was very nervous.The box was consumed with dust when dusted it was a metallic silver colour. But when she lifted the lifted the lid...
Come here! Can you see that flying hawk going around in circles? Look at that white hawk. There was something dropping it was the hawk and landed on Cameron's kneecaps and nearly broke his leg! The hawk flew away as quickly as it could. Cameron wasn't okay. " Are you alright?" No, I'm really hurt. "Please help, Go tell someone." As Ryan got help the hawk came flying and hit Cameron once more." Please get that hawk away now!" "Let's just go home because this terrifying !" Cameron! Can you ride your bike ?" I'll try!
Well done I really like your story next time you could use more adjectives.
One day my mum and I decided to cook an awsome pizza with chocolate and jelly on it. We looked in the cupboard brought down the box with the flour in but whenshe lifted the lid there was nothing in. So I said should we go to the supermarket? Then suddenly everything appeared onthe bench and we started to think how it happpend. This has been a mysterious thing for yearsand years .Mum said "don't tell your freinds". I still have this mysterious secret in our family. By the way the pizza was yummy .
It is good but it would be even better if you did a little bit more . I like how you have used a question and exciting words too. I also like pizza!
Ellie, Gina and Holly were in their bedroom when they heard a terrifying scream coming from the garden.The girls ran into the garden.They saw a shadow behind the tree.Suddenly they heard a voice beckoning them to come closer.Then they walked to the tree and saw a girl wearing a white long dress holding a brown, rusty box but when Gina lifted the lid, the girl vanished.Then Holly looked into the window and saw the girl standing in their room.They ran into their room.Holly looked behind her and Ellie and Gina were gone.All that was their was the box...
Hello Ellie, Gina and Holly. My name is Emma and I real liked that peice of writing. I liked the words like terrifying and beckoning because it makes this story exciting.
It was a dark hazy night when a girl was travelling to her grans. She was so excited to see her present that she fell of her bike. She quickly got back on her bike and reched her grans house. She rushed into the house and opened the present , it was a doll. Then her gran asked if she would go in the loft to get something. When she was in the loft she saw a rusty ancient box in the corner. She decided to open it but when she lifted the lid she was sucked in and never saw again...
Rose went into the kitchen, and asked her mother why no one ever goes into the attic. Her mother told her “the reason it’s that there is something up there long forgotten”
Rose was curious about the attic to listen, so she went to the attic to listen. So she went to the attic stairs. She walked up the stairs, opens the door and closed it behind her as she gets inside. The first thing that caught her eye was a box. She thought it would contain some photos, but when she opened the lid there was an Ouija board.
It was an ordenary summers day untill sevirel black masked figures appiered on the Tower of London.They smashed the glass.They
chucked half a dozen gass bombs down.They slaghtered all of the secuity gards.Suddenly they blew up the safe door but when she lifted the lid the Qweens jules were gone. Swat approched and blocked off all the exits ther climbed back up to the roof. A swat hellicopter arrived on the roof. They killed all the swat and stole the hellicopter and were never seen again...
In a town named Brandon, everything was peaceful.Josh lived with his poor mother in a cottage made of dead grass and soft straw. Josh and his amazing friend (Liam) went picking delicious blackberries.Josh saw something appear, flying through the air."Look up.Can you see it?" Shouted Josh to Liam."I can.what is it?" Shouted Liam back to Josh.Suddenly the flying thing crashed to the ground,making a horrendous explosion.Liam and Josh went to check it out.As they got closer, they realised that the flying thing was a plane.But what could they do?
Amazing cliffhanger I loved it. You have used your queston? mark in the right way which is very good.
I Liked your 100c I also liked how you used ellipcies I want to read more.
One magnificent sunny morning,Holly came up with a mischievous idea to go bird hunting. Ellie agreed to this. The two girls rapidly ran down stairs,got there rifles and set of into the woods.The ground was dry and clean.Ellie spotted a crow flying in the blue placid sky.Suddenly Ellie got her hazardous rifle out.BANG! the crow fell to the ground. They ran over but there was nothing to be seen. What had taken it? A while after holly heard rustling in the bushes.Then a pebble dropped onto Ellie's head."look up!can you see that?" Exclaimed Holly...
Irealy enjoyed your 100 word challange! You have used some nice openers and connectivs! I like how in the end you have used ellipsus! P.S. Carnt wait till tommoro for the sleepover
Wow Ellie and Holly! I love your use of adjectives. Your ideas are amazing! How did you come up with bird hunting? I would never would have thought of it in a million years despite it not being very adventurous as some other ideas. Also, I love your use of ecplices, you left me wanting more.. ;) Can't wait for the sleepover.
We are Year 6 at Brandon Primary School in County Durham. We are using this blog to extend our creative writing skills, and to demonstrate to a wider audience how fabulous we are!